“Family isn’t defined by last names or by blood; it is defined by commitment and by love,” said Dave Willis, the famous American producer, writer, voice actor, and musician. There cannot be a more promising ray of hope than these words for hundreds of thousands of children and teenagers who have either lost their parents or are separated from their families for various reasons. There cannot be a bigger truth than these words if you are one of those who would like to make a difference as a foster parent.

Who Is a Foster Parent?

Foster parents are individuals or couples who step in to support abandoned children, providing them with safety and security till they get reunited with their actual parents or get adopted. To be a foster parent means you believe that for every story of sorrow, pain and separation, there is also a story of healing, joy and fulfillment. You may come from any walk of life, but the thread that connects you with this extraordinary community of foster parents is a passionate sense of community responsibility.

A Crisis That Refuses to Die

The latest statistics show that over 400,000 children are under foster care in America today. Children in foster care homes range from infants up to the age of 18 years. The average age in American foster care homes is about 8 years, with the number of boys slightly outnumbering the number of girls. Every year, more than 26,000 young people age out at 18 years without getting adopted or reunited with their parents. 

Estimates show that within four years of aging out, nearly half have no earnings and those who do have an average annual income of only $7,500. In 2020, more than half of the foster care children got united with their parents or primary caretakers, while more than a quarter of them got adopted.

Despite efforts by the state, communities, and individuals, the number of children under foster care has been increasing steadily over the years in America. This obviously means that the demand for foster parents is also increasing. Sadly though, the demand far outweighs the supply, and it’s slowly emerging as a major crisis. For instance, in Texas, the media reported how the lack of foster parents has resulted in some children from foster homes sleeping in a child welfare office. 

There have been alarming press reports from Indiana about how the state is desperate to find more foster parents to care for the increased number of children in foster homes. The Children’s Home Society in North Carolina is calling it a ‘state of crisis.’ 

California is scrambling as its demand for foster parents has reached record levels. Adding to the challenge is retaining existing foster parents. Estimates suggest that 30% to 50% of current foster parents decide to opt-out, as a result of which several children have to change homes multiple times. This proves one thing loud and clear–not everyone has what it takes to be a foster parent.

So, What Does It Take To Be a Foster Parent?

Being a foster parent is a serious responsibility. You will be responsible for the emotional, physical, and mental well-being of children under the care of the state till they are reunited with their parents/guardians and are successfully adopted. Children enter foster care through no fault of theirs. They may have been abused, neglected, or abandoned by their parents or guardians. Almost all of them have experienced loss and trauma of some kind. So, the journey toward becoming a foster parent is a step-by-step process.

Step 1: Personal Evaluation

It all starts with self-evaluation. You need to be sure if you truly want to be a foster parent, and this is no small decision. It’s important to be fully aware of your parenting abilities and limitations and have a proper support mechanism to support yourself through it. It is a long term-decision not just to be a foster parent but also for a healthy exit once the foster child is getting back with his/her parents or guardians. Some questions that you should ask yourself include:

• Have you evaluated your decision to be a foster parent honestly?
• Have you talked to other foster parents and understood what it is like to be one?
• Do you have a strong support system for family and friends?
• Will you stand by your commitments towards your foster child, even under adverse financial and emotional challenges?
• Do you have the patience and discipline to be a parent?

 Step 2: Legal Qualification

1. An applicant for foster parenting can come from diverse backgrounds, yet there are some constants that need to be followed for his/her/legal qualification. The laws on a person qualifying to be a foster parent may vary from state to state, depending on many factors. In general, the laws demand the following for all those who seek to be foster parents.
2. The minimum age of the applicant should be 21 years, although some states stipulate the minimum age to be 18 years. Single persons, as well as married couples, are generally accepted as foster parents. Some states may, however, not certify unmarried couples living together unless they are related to the child.
3. Proven regular income source, ensuring financial stability even after accommodating the foster child. If the foster child requires daycare or after-school activities outside of what the public school system offers, the foster parent is typically responsible for that expense too.
4. The applicant should have no track of misdemeanors or felony convictions of sexual abuse, child abuse, elder abuse, or any other kind of abuse.
5. The applicant should have enough space or bedrooms for foster children or children in your home. Foster children under a certain age are allowed to share a bedroom with another child. Also, foster children, mostly infants, can stay in a crib in the same room as foster parents.
6. The applicant needs to undergo an assessment of all the members of the family.
7. The applicant must have undergone a vulnerable sector screening by the police and be approved through a thorough screening process.
8. The applicant should have participated in and cleared all foster parents’ training sessions mandated by the law of the state. This training is either conducted by the county or by the non-profit agencies that manage foster care in that area.

Step 3: Non-legal Qualifications

It’s not just about qualifying for the general foster parents’ requirements legally, but the more challenging qualification is to get through the non-legal screening that is designed to evaluate if you are mentally and emotionally ready to take up the role of a foster parent. 

Contrary to what many believe, it takes a lot more than patience and motivation to do something for the community to be a good foster parent. Oftentimes, preparing to be a foster parent is in itself a journey that transforms us. 

After all, these children need you to support and shape their cultural, ethnic, religious, and sexual identities while they wait for a more stable life ahead. Most of them are confused and directionless due to what they have gone through and require hands that they can trust.

The agency assigned to coordinate foster parents looks at a bunch of personal attributes while carrying out their screening process. Some criteria include:

• Is the candidate stable, dependable, mature, and flexible?
• Does the candidate have any experience in handling children, especially those children having special needs?
• Does the candidate have an understanding of the needs of children, and is there a willingness to constantly learn?
• Can the candidate be a team player? She/he has to work closely with the child, the counselor, the welfare worker, the child’s family/guardian (if known), known relatives, family friends, and other people who have a direct or indirect impact on the child’s upbringing.
• What is the candidate’s motivation to be a foster parent?
• Is the candidate’s type of personality suited for foster parenting?
• What is the candidate’s mental space to accommodate the challenges of foster parenting?
• Does the candidate have the required levels of tolerance, optimism, consistency, and patience to play the role of a foster parent?
• Thorough evaluation of the candidate’s physical & mental well-being.
• Thoroughly investigate the candidate’s personal habits, especially any history of substance abuse.

Being a foster parent is one of the most fulfilling things you can do in this world. Undoubtedly, the challenges are many, but at the end of it, you are nurturing a life that probably has lost all hope in the world due to what they have gone through. You enable a young soul to start believing in himself/herself again and inspire them to embrace life once again. What more can be more rewarding than this?

If you and/or your partner are willing to be foster parents and are looking for how and where to start, please contact Clarvida. We can work with you on the next steps. Our trained therapists, counselors, and licensed clinicians can guide you through the process.