Breaking Cycles of Abuse: Colorado’s Domestic Violence Reduction Program
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but the issue of domestic violence extends well beyond one month—it can emerge anywhere, at any time. In the United States, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men experience physical violence from a partner at some point in their lives. Despite these alarming rates, most cases remain unreported and many—even behavioral health professionals—have a lack a clear understanding of on what qualifies as domestic violence.
Bringing Domestic Violence to Light
Misconceptions around domestic violence keep it shrouded in stigma, but fortunately, there are individuals who are dedicated to raising awareness through education, support, and advocacy. Mallori Kenworthy, an LPC and Domestic Violence Offender Management Board (DVOMB) Approved Provider with Clarvida, is driven by a simple but powerful goal: understanding why people hurt others. Her dedication to second chances led her to help start a Domestic Violence Reduction Program (DVR) Program in Colorado in 2013.
The DVR Program provides psycho-educational classes and advocacy services to families and children in Adams County that have currently or previously experienced domestic violence dynamics in their household. The community-oriented program, which has multiplied in size over the past 11 years, educates, supports, and facilitates change in families stuck in cycles of violence.
Forging a Path of Healing for Entire Families through Education & Empowerment
The philosophy of DVR is unique in that entire families receive help. Mallori explains that in most cases of domestic violence, family members are not supported after the offender is removed, and once the offender returns, the family’s unhealthy dynamic resumes because no changes were actually made in the home. Honesty is necessary address each family members’ needs and forge a healthier path for all, and DVR provides a safe, non-judgmental environment to address each persons’ needs and promote healing and growth for families.
Specialized 16-week curricula for men, women, children (ages 7-12), and teenagers (ages 13-17) establish a shared understanding of domestic violence and help families understand what actually qualifies as abuse. Clarvida’s specially-trained DVR team members break down all aspects of domestic violence, including:
• Types of domestic violence: Physical, verbal and psychological
• What power and control are
• The impact of domestic violence on a person’s ability to connect and have empathy with others
Beyond this education, there is a heavy emphasis on personal growth. To move forward, people must first move beyond impulse, insecurity, codependency, power, and control. It is important to help clients build skills that empower them to set boundaries, communicate, and realize their self-worth.
Breaking the Cycle: The Effect of Domestic Violence on Children
Nearly all those involved in domestic violence cases—whether victims or abusers—witnessed it growing up. For this reason, a key part of the DVR curriculum is a four-part series on how domestic violence affects children.
Parents think they are able to hide violence from their children, but they rarely can. Most are shocked to learn how much their children have witnessed and how much it has affected their behavior. This realization often becomes a catalyst for clients to make lasting changes and help prevent domestic violence from being a reality for their child(ren).
Mallori explains that domestic violence is a socially-learned behavior: the more you see it, the more desensitized you become. The high rate of domestic violence in homes is compounded by its normalization in entertainment, such as a woman slapping a man during a heated argument before he pulls her in for a kiss. When people grow up seeing unhealthy dynamics, without the balance of experiencing healthy relationships, a generational cycle of domestic violence can be forged.
Establishing Healthy Relationships
Domestic violence is driven by emotions, and while all feelings are valid, they do not justify abusive actions.
DVR guides clients on how to practice consistency, stability, and respect in relationships. A volatile relationship is often confused with being exciting and passionate, and DVR helps clients understand that gentler qualities don’t equate to less love. Mallori tells clients, “it means they don’t want to destroy your life anymore.”
“You are allowed to love this person and also recognize that they’re not healthy for you,” said Mallori. “That realization is freeing to a lot of folks. They’ve been told through their culture or family that if you can fix it you should fix it, but that’s not always realistic. We help them find the answer to the question of, ‘is this yours to fix or is this yours to protect yourself from?’”
Victims of domestic violence can form an addiction to the chaos of their relationship; deciding whether or not to stay with their abuser can present complex, overwhelming feelings. DVR team members help clients realize abuse is unhealthy and that they deserve better. Clients are empowered to break generational cycles of what they went through earlier in their lives as well as what they accepted in their adult lives, and then rebuild a healthier life, independently or with their partner.
Allowing for Second Chances
Despite a 70% recidivism rate in domestic violence, those willing to change can—and they deserve a second chance. Abusers typically feel immense shame, guilt, and disgust for their actions and may not recognize themselves.
“As a professional, I am able to meet people in a compassionate way—even those who have done terrible things—and I see them as a human who has lost their way,” said Mallori. “Abuse isn’t everything these people are – this is part of their journey, part of their trauma, but they can be helped.”
DVR’s education and support help abusers learn from their mistakes and transform their lives. One of Mallori’s most rewarding cases involved a couple where both individuals had anger issues, violent tendencies, and drug dependencies. Through the DVR program, they each realized the need to be better and change for their children, who were in the State’s custody. Through honesty, hard work, and determination, they turned their lives around, got sober, built a healthy relationship, and regained custody of their children. Nearly a decade later, the family is happier and healthier than ever.
“DVR’s entire mission got met with this couple – they felt so heard, so empowered, and were so motivated,” said Mallori. “For the first time in their lives, they were happy and able to trust another person.”
Help is Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available 24/7. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. You can also visit www.thehotline.org to get help, plan for safety, or identify your abuser.
You deserve safety.
